Monkeys Cry

Extremities

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 10:44:00 +0000

This month I've been confronting some old fear. Well, maybe fear is not the correct word. It is something by which I am still afflicted, and that bothers me. These causes are few and far between these days, I want to rid myself of these remnants too.

Let me first say it's been rough. After the initial enthousiasm of having the opportunity to work through a fear wanes, I quickly descended into old patterns. It is amazing not only how much these patterns influence me behaviorally -- my voice dissapears, I feel like I constantly have to swallow, muscles tighten, selfawareness increases -- but also how many many thoughts are present. I meditate daily, but I had forgotten how easily you can mistake your thoughts for reality. And that was indeed what happened, for days on end.

The most frustrating thing to me is having the knowledge that your thoughts are unproductive and self-destructive and that the only action necessary to feel better is to see through that, but not succeeding in that very perception. This knowing but not succeeding further fuels the frustration... and thus it spirals viciously. A recurring pattern for me. The answer to this is that there is no answer. You just accept. It's still a lesson I need repeated it seems....

Now, because of some other emotional issues, I was already experiencing high and lows. What surprised me is how fast it can swing between them (a friend of mine said I had PMS :) ) sometimes switching around in half a day.

Waking today, I felt again cognitively besieged. Well, at that point, the thing is you are not aware of that. Your thoughts are your reality at that point.

The ego can be so tricky. For example if your start thinking that you want to let go of an emotion of fear, you tell yourself that's no use because you will still experience the fear and so you will still experience all the bad consequences. Of course, this in itself is also fear -- the very same one, in fact -- but you don't realize that at that moment.

Another maybe more concrete example, let's say you fear losing the validation of a person. So you tell yourself that you have to stop wanting that validation, because that will make your interaction with the person go a better... which is actually the same motivation, because the fact that you want the interaction to go better, means you need their validation.

Awareness and acceptance. It's always these two. Simple concepts, but sometimes so difficult to implement... (Or is that belief in itself making it difficult for me? :) )

Let's get back to my story. So this morning it was an Italian traffic jam in my mind. I was frantically applying all the mental solutions I knew, to no avail. I sat down and meditated three times as long as I normally do, but I slipped off 95% of the time. I didn't think I succeeded, until I noticed when I left that I still felt scared, but I actually felt good about that. I know that's a good place to be. So I just left myself there.

Now I was going to toilet (always an excellent point for reflection :) ) and I noticed how much more freedom I felt. As soon as I became aware of that I felt such an incredibly intense feeling of peace and freedom, that it was way above my normal happiness -- and I'm already a very happy dude. I breathed it in gratefully with big, long breaths.

But it just blows me off my feet how fast this changed from one extreme of being ripped apart by directionless mind chaos, to the other extreme of utter unbounded bliss. Come on, in two hours, such a swing???

I wonder if this is normal or if my growing experience is just increasing my awareness of subtle changes, as is the case when achieving expertise in a subject. And then they say women have it even more! Poor girls, you have my honest sympathy ;)

Wim

Attracted in 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 10:36:00 +0000

I'm not a big fan of the law of attraction. I think it's a healthy way of thinking, but never got consistent results. But damn this week! Maybe I was doing it wrong..? Maybe I should combine it more with taking action? Because...

...while talking to a friend I realized that even now there are still a handful of people that I still react nervously to. I figured that I will work hem down to nothing in the future and BAM! One of those people reappears right in my face in my life so I can work through that.

...feel numb and bored sitting on my ass all day and want to go out, so I call a friend and BAM! It happens she was just going to party and BAM! A few minutes later another friend calls me and joins us.

... I decided I will play more sports this month and was getting info about squash lessons and BAM! A pro squash player sends me a message offering free lessons.

Wow... What more will follow? :)
Wim

Food

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 11:20:00 +0000

So I'm beginning to be more attracted to improving myself on the field of health. To be precise: food.

I think I'm going to follow the same strategy as with seduction and relationships: just try out myself, see what is effective and feels good to me, talk to people on the same path. I'm going to follow the strategy for money too at some point in my life, but not now.

Coincidentally it seems a basic fear always needs to be conquered. Looking like a fool, being vulnerable, being alone, being poor, ... I don't know what the fear is regarding food, but I'll learn soon enough. The most difficult part will proabably be getting rid of habits, I believe.

I don't believe in this "nutritionism" that rules the waves lately with their millimiterized measurements that now fill half of the grocery stores. I feel more for going back to real food and trusting your body's wisdom. Making small shifts in what you take in. Cane sugar instead of processed beet sugar, brown bread instead of white, reducing dairy products, reducing salt, start drinking more water. In fact this is an elaboration of things that I have already done most my life.

And lo and behold, some synchronicities are popping up in my life, like this book from Michael Pollan In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto. Then to say I found it through a random link in Youtube leading to Zuzana's excellent fitness website which I only followed because I actually cursed aloud when I saw her ass (translation for the women: that's a Good Thing).

Long live the wisdom of my instincts :)

Wim

PS. I know some of my reader's aspire tight abs. Check out that site too for some good info.

Soulmates vs Egomates

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 14:06:00 +0000

from GoneSavage's blog

"Why is it so hard to find a soulmate? Because most of us are actually searching for egomates instead. We place the most limited and unloving aspects of our minds in charge of our search for love, and then wonder why we aren't succeeding. To the degree that we identify with this false sense of self, and operate on the basis of its limited point of view, we aren't looking for someone to love so much as recruiting fellow actors to take on supporting roles in a favorite melodrama."

-- Carolyn Miller

Yes, and there is one more dimension of utmost importance to us: body-mates, sex-mates, playmates.

Think about it this way. We all have three inner forces, often at odds with one another.

--Your ego wants to do what looks good.

--Your body wants to do what feels good.

--And your soul wants to do what IS GOOD (what is best in the long-run, and what is best for all parties involved).

What sort of mate do you seek?

Darwin Awards

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:48:00 +0000

I've always been a big fan of the Darwin Awards -- granted each year to individuals who through great stupidity removed themselves from the gene pool (killing themselves or making sure they can't have children anymore). Here is a selection.

A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards.
According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional revolver) to Ken's head and fired.

MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if it would protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into the spirit of the Darwin Awards.)

In FRANCE, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital, where he died of hypothermia.

Disney Princesses

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 08:56:00 +0000

Hohoho, this is quite the thought provoking blog...

Wim

Fixer Mentality

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:09:00 +0000

Great article from Ozzie (who I call "the Ox") about how a problem-solving mentality is bad for you.

Wim

Humility

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:47:00 +0000

Got an epiphany today...

I cannot deny I have made amazing progress with myself, but despite that still I am prone to bouts of anxiety. Being the (recovering) perfectionist that I am, this bothers me. Especially those that come without observable reason irk me incessantly. I try not to worry about it, to disidentify with it like you to with bad weather or being sick -- yes it happens to you, it's not fun, but it's a fact of life, it will pass and it's reallt not so bad -- and this works. Up to certain level.

Of course I also just feel good without any external reasons. And for the people who haven't had that feeling, it's a feeling of frolicking free like a child, with in your stomach the sensation of being in love with yourself, life, existence itself. I still believe it should be possible to have this more frequeltly, if only because I know severeal people who claim this experience, and because I know how to get out, but sometimes I just can't escape from the maze of my own mind.

(Live update: LOL, while today really was not up to snuff, suddenly I have that feeling right now! Ha, I should start writing again more often, it's such an amazing tool to focus yourself.)

Today I was trudging through some fora after having a few really down days after a really up day, and suddenly a new viewing angle sprung up. Now I consider it extremely important to take pride in yourself, to be selfish, to live large, to aim for extreme dreams and to always consider that this life is maybe the only one you live here so now and here is the time you have to live it, instead of just killing time till time kills you. And yes, at this point in my life I consider myself my own highest end, and I succesfully worked my ass of fulfilling many many of my life goals. Throughout the last years my aim always soared higher, and with that my dreams, my self-esteem and my happiness too.

So what's the epiphany? That the opposite side is equally benefactory!

Humility.

This is quite counter-intuitive for me. Humility is living small. It is the mindset that you still fail, you still cry over silly things, you still have dark egoic habits, you can still laugh at a stupid fart joke, you're just this little guy... and you're perfectly content with that. Don't misunderstand this, it's not breaking yourself down, it's not altruism, it's not low self-esteem... quite the opposite. It also generates strong feelings of happiness. I think this is because it is acceptance. It is also a way of removing ego, but it works on a different palette.

While greatness (re)moves the upper boundary for your happiness, humility seems to (re)move the lower boundary. A beautiful symmetry so of course I immediately like it :) My mind tells me it should be a contradiction, but I can't find any.... The two coexist perfectly.

And with these boundaries removed, so much more space to simply beautifully be is opened up. In my mind's eye I envision it as such: most humans exist crampedly in a tunnel. Rock above them, rock below them. I removed the ceiling by aspiring greatness and pride, opening up my living space to include the vast sky above. Humility then, is taking away the remaining floor, so you end up as if flying through the air.

All this is just from half a day of reflection. I'm going to incorporate this principle in my life and see what it brings me.

Wim

Canabalt

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 08:24:00 +0000

Simple but finely executed: Canabalt

(Controls: press C to jump. That's all)

Wim

Self-help Backfires?

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 12:46:00 +0000

Now this is interesting... The staple of self-actualization -- affirmations -- has been recently studied to only work in people of high self-esteem.

They should study these things more often.

Wim

Neurotic social hyperesthesia

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:50:00 +0000

Have you noticed a new prudery emerging in recent years? If not prudery, then timidity, inhibition or neurotic social hyperesthesia. The point is that an outbreak of fear has made people seem incapable of dealing with anything that appears direct, contentious or confronting. This faux sensitivity can be seen everywhere, from news reports that refuse to show dead bodies to people avoiding any mention of bodily functions. A recent example was a wildlife documentary that apologised to viewers in advance for showing images of animals eating other animals. In short, we have developed a fear of the explicit. This is linked to political correctness and moralistic ideology, but the implications are scary. After all, what is so wrong with showing people life as it is lived and lost? Moreover, if we sanitise images of car crashes or bloody wars, surely we are more likely to drive like maniacs or indulge in ill-conceived wars?

Why were the images of Saddam Hussein’s execution banned from TV and newspapers? I’m not suggesting that these images should appear on the six-o-clock news but this is part of history. Actions have consequences. Anyway, we can see these images elsewhere. The censors may prevent us from seeing them on TV but they cannot stop us from taking such images - or looking at them - on mobile phones. Worse, we seem to justify doing all this for the sake of our children. But surely if we create a cotton wool world for our kids, they will be less prepared for the real world when they eventually enter it?

http://nowandnext.com/?action=sector/view

Ref: Australian Literary Review (Aus) February 2009, ‘The crime of the curious citizen’, F. Moorhouse, www.theaustralian.com.au Source integrity: ****

Dandy Crab

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 21:03:00 +0000

Who is Dandy Crab? If you look carefully you'll see this small sticker plastered all over the city on lampposts, sides of building, bus stops... Apparantly in Antwerp you see him everywhere too...

Who is Dandy Crab? What does he stand for?
Anyone knows?

Kitty Kat Dance

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:03:00 +0000

Klassieker:

Don't be nice, be real

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 13:43:00 +0000

As soon as I consider whether this situation might be one that calls for me to "go up to my head" to intellectualize with my brain instead of going with my gut reaction, to abandon my body, I've entered a realm of complexity and uncertainty. ... I can never really feel safe in my world if I can't trust that I'm totally committed to staying true to my guts. ...

Until there is commitment to being true to one's body there is hesitancy and uncertainty. Until there's commitment, there's no tapping into the power and magic of providence. It can only come in to help when faith beyond reason is practiced. We have to step into the water before the seas part. I need to be willing to get into trouble if I am to avoid bigger trouble.

I had rather you be angry at me than me be angry with me. I'd rather get in trouble with you than with myself. If I stay true and connected with myself, then I have a chance to be present and work through whatever gets triggered in you. But if I abandon me, I can't deal with or be present to anything. Being nice depletes my energy, as I give it away to all the other nice, depressed, depleted people.

from Kelly Bryson's book, Don't Be Nice Be Real. "Head"ing for Trouble.

Meet the Spy

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 18 May 2009 13:45:00 +0000

These Team Fortress 2 movies are amazing. This newest is about my favorite character: the elusive, backstabbing Spy!

Wim

Molle Industria

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:44:00 +0000

Via Alpha Core I came onto an Italian games maker site. Man, the games they create are just about as politically incorrect as they can get. And that's entirely their purpose.

How about Operation Pedopriest? Where a bunch of priests walk around molesting children and your job is to intimidate witnesses so you don't get media attention.

I had a hard time mastering Orgasm Simulator, which is a rhythm game where women are taught how to effectively fake an orgasm

Faith Fighter finally allows you to play as God and kick Buddha's ass for examle. Some of Jesus' special moves are "Holy Spirit" (think "Hadouken!") and "Turn the other cheek". Bitch be nasty.

They say there goal is to use vide ogames as a political expression. Not only do they do that, but the games are actually good too.

Wim

The Sexual Double Standard

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 15:32:00 +0000

Short but very clear article about women by a woman:

We still live in a society that promotes the notion that it is normal for a man to desire many women and yet normal for a woman to desire only one man. Our beliefs about male and female behavior may have been helpful in the past, but today they are doing much more harm than good. As a society we need to stop perpetuating the myth that females are naturally monogamous because this erroneous belief keeps women from taking responsibility when they do cheat. Unfortunately, when women cheat they typically put the blame on their husbands.

Most of the prevailing beliefs we hold about women were created and taught to control the sexual behavior of females in an effort to ease paternity insecurity in males. When females give birth they know the children they give birth to are biologically theirs. Males on the other hand, prior to DNA testing, had to rely on the faithfulness of their partners; which is the reason a sexual double-standard emerged. However, over time the sexual double-standard gave way to a false belief that females were in fact naturally monogamous. Today, it is no longer necessary to continue teaching this false belief because DNA testing allows males to have the same certainty about paternity as females.

Today, women initiate approximately 70 - 75% of all divorces. Due to our false beliefs, women lack adequate knowledge about their natural sexual impulses; as a result, they are much more likely than men to leave their marriages due to their sexual attractions and affairs. Although women typically pursue separations and divorces under the guise of "searching for self" the real reason is often another man. It's not uncommon for women to be happily married prior to their affairs; it's also not uncommon for men to be divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives' extramarital relationships.

For many years now, women have been knowingly or unknowingly performing a balancing act - trying to attain equal rights, while at the same time, trying to maintain their special rights. Interestingly enough, most women are still not happy. Women continue to feel they get the short end of the stick. Women still do not feel as though they have equal rights, much less special rights, why? Because the sexual double-standard still exists in our culture; but ironically, women's final right to claim is the root from which their oppression stemmed.

However, it is no longer men who oppress women - it is women. Women have not yet decided whether they want to trade their "image" and all the special treatment that it affords them, for the "public" sexual freedom which is afforded to males. As a result, one of the biggest problems in relationships today, is due to the fact that women are finding it increasingly more difficult to maintain their "image," now that their survival is no longer contingent upon it.

It is only by doing away with the sexual double standard that females will finally achieve the equality they have so long sought after. However, in doing so, they will have to give up one of their special rights - they will no longer be able to blame males for their sexual indiscretions and their lack of self control.

Michelle Langley is the author of Women's Infidelity: Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, "I'm Not Happy"

To read an excerpt from Women's Infidelity visit http://womensinfidelity.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michelle_Langley

Dr. Phil

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 10:53:00 +0000

The world's greatest politically correct hypocrite, Dr. Phil, who presents a show of inviting people with problems on stage then passing judgment over them so his viewers can feel superior, gets some nice company :) Note: watch the outfit.

The dude from whom's blog I pulled this said this was the best advertisement for Bumfights ever, and Dr. Phil probably got paid a helluva lotta money for this. Yeah, very possible :)

Wim

The Ship of Theseus

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:30:00 +0000

I was just reading about the Ship of Theseus paradox, which questions if an object is still the same object after all its part have been replaced, and realized that I found the whole question completely silly and its premises off-base because of the explanations I've read in the Book On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. I've written about this before. They could also add your own body as another example of the so-called "paradox".

I really recommend everyone reading this book. It also explains the meaning of life. Which is nice.

Wim

Monogamy vs Natural Human Sexuality

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 15:39:00 +0000

Monogamy is a garden and natural human sexuality is a jungle.

Both are beautiful in their own ways.

A garden is a place of peacefulness and tranquility. A garden is meticulously planned and impeccably maintained. A garden must be organized and cultivated if it is to be enjoyed.

A jungle is a place of intrigue and deep mystery. A jungle is wild and dangerous. A jungle is appreciated expressly because of its untamed and uncultivated beauty.

Keeping a garden alive and thriving is not easy.

But venturing into the unfamiliar terrain of a jungle is risky and takes tremendous awareness and attentiveness to fruitfully explore.

GoneSavage

Bron: http://gonesavage.blogspot.com/2009/03/monogamy-vs-natural-human-sexuality.html

Desire vs. Detachment

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:28:00 +0000

Question: How can I use the law of attraction and the law of detachment at the same time without canceling each other out?

Answer: With the law of attraction you want to get clear on your intention and become a vibrational match for it. The law of detachment is about not being attached to a certain outcome. Think of the story of the man in the flood who is sitting on his roof waiting to be rescued. He wants to be rescued and thinks God is going to save him. People come in a boat and helicopter to save him but he resists their attempts and says, “No no, it’s okay. God will save me.” When he gets to Heaven he complains and God says, “I sent you a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?” The man was a vibrational match for being rescued but he was attached to that manifesting a certain way (e.g. the mighty hand of God). Cast your intention out upon the water and let the universe decide how best to manifest the details. You might be getting what you asked for and not even be noticing it.

Roomba-chans eerst uitstapje

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 18:30:00 +0000

Roomba

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:48:00 +0000

Ik ben net mijn iRobot Roomba 530 stofzuigerrobot gaan ophalen. Ik denk dat ik 'em Roomba-chan noem ^__^

Roomba-chan komt mooi verpakt in een doos. Het eerste wat je moet doen is een batterijlipje eruit trekken. "Pirlewoepiewip!" zegt Roomba-chan plots als hij tot leven komt. Oe! Dat had ik niet verwacht *squeee* Ik sluit Roomba-chans eetbakje aan en plaats hem erin. Daar staat hij nu langzaam oranje te pulseren... Nu is het wachten tot hij genoeg energie heeft.

Wim

Geluksgevoel

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 09:53:00 +0000

Op de momenten dat ik mij gelukkig voel -- of beter mijn gelukzaligheid voel, dan is dat sinds een jaar en half echt een fysieke sensatie geworden. Ik ervaar vrede, lichtheid, vrijheid, maar daarnaast zijn er ook echt kriebels. Ik kan daar zo mijn vinger op plaatsen. Soms zit dat in mijn buik, soms in mijn hart, maar altijd ergens tussen die extrema.
Het is heel erg vergelijkbaar met als je verliefdheid bent op iemand en je ziet haar, alleen hier berust het niet op externe stimuli maar komt het van binnen uit, inherent, onvoorwaardelijk en constant.

Dat begint meer en meer voor te komen (meestal zonder aanwijsbare reden, of soms zelfs om redenen die tegenintuïtief zijn zoals nu: na een teleurstelling) en ook sterk en sterker.

Ervaren jullie dat ook zo?

Wim

Wim Crasht op de Rotsen

noreply@blogger.com (Wim) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 09:11:00 +0000

Aargh... Inzicht garandeert absoluut nog niet dat je al kan doen wat je wil. Enkele frustrerende dagen hebben me dat nog eens serieus ingeprent. Dat is binnen mijn verwachtingen... hetgene waar ik over twijfel is of die frustratie stemt uit het feit dat ik mezelf niet volg, of uit het feit dat ik zaken probeer te bereiken in se (outcome dependance)?
Want het eerst betekent meer doen, het tweede betekent minder doen...

Ofwel moet ik ze beide samenpakken...?

Hmm...

Wim