Afspraken binnen een relaties
Een beetje een heet hangijzer op de moment voor mezelf... dit werd gepost in een discussie over afspraken binnen relaties en ik vind dit goed.
TRUST with OPEN COMMUNICATION. In situation, trust without open communication can easily fall apart.
Then, given these, the key is to recognize when one or both are not as strong as they should be and to take appropriate action.
Negotiation in poly is a critical form of open communication. Unlike business negotiations, these conversations should be completely open, honest, and include sharing of feelings, needs, and boundaries. The result could be rules, an agreement, guidelines, boundaries, or something else, depending on what meets the needs of the involved parties at that time.
Finally, in our situation there is no such thing as Too Much Information if the topic has emotional relevance.
o Our Most Common Rules - - There are some rules that apply to nearly every situation for us. Since you asked, I am listing them below. You might notice that rule #2 encompasses all other agreements, guidelines, etc.
(1) If trust and open communication are damaged, stop and examine everything!
Times of damaged trust happen, regardless of the relationship’s meaning or quality (and I’m not just talking about primaries here).
Stop means make sure each action will build trust and not add to the damage. Don’t add anyone new or proceed with any intimate activities if there’s a chance of adding to existing damage. Examine means make sure your relationships are healthy for you and everyone else concerned. Once you’ve examined, take actions to build trust and communications and/or end relationships or restructure if you have to.
(2) Check in on emotions and boundaries often. Discuss and/or renegotiate.
This means approve prospective girlfriends/boyfriends ahead of time, including any specific feelings or boundaries about that person. We often agree to person- and situation-specific boundaries.
It is still each person’s job to tell the others if they become uncomfortable. However, it is also each person’s job to check in with their partners. Checking in reinforces that the person asking really cares and it keeps the lines of communication open.
(3) If one partner of an established relationship has serious concerns about a new relationship that lead to a negotiation stalemate, err on the side of ending the new relationship.
(4) Safe sex and safe and sane BDSM always.
I hope this helps!
TRUST with OPEN COMMUNICATION. In situation, trust without open communication can easily fall apart.
Then, given these, the key is to recognize when one or both are not as strong as they should be and to take appropriate action.
Negotiation in poly is a critical form of open communication. Unlike business negotiations, these conversations should be completely open, honest, and include sharing of feelings, needs, and boundaries. The result could be rules, an agreement, guidelines, boundaries, or something else, depending on what meets the needs of the involved parties at that time.
Finally, in our situation there is no such thing as Too Much Information if the topic has emotional relevance.
o Our Most Common Rules - - There are some rules that apply to nearly every situation for us. Since you asked, I am listing them below. You might notice that rule #2 encompasses all other agreements, guidelines, etc.
(1) If trust and open communication are damaged, stop and examine everything!
Times of damaged trust happen, regardless of the relationship’s meaning or quality (and I’m not just talking about primaries here).
Stop means make sure each action will build trust and not add to the damage. Don’t add anyone new or proceed with any intimate activities if there’s a chance of adding to existing damage. Examine means make sure your relationships are healthy for you and everyone else concerned. Once you’ve examined, take actions to build trust and communications and/or end relationships or restructure if you have to.
(2) Check in on emotions and boundaries often. Discuss and/or renegotiate.
This means approve prospective girlfriends/boyfriends ahead of time, including any specific feelings or boundaries about that person. We often agree to person- and situation-specific boundaries.
It is still each person’s job to tell the others if they become uncomfortable. However, it is also each person’s job to check in with their partners. Checking in reinforces that the person asking really cares and it keeps the lines of communication open.
(3) If one partner of an established relationship has serious concerns about a new relationship that lead to a negotiation stalemate, err on the side of ending the new relationship.
(4) Safe sex and safe and sane BDSM always.
I hope this helps!
Labels: afspraken, communicatie, relaties, vertrouwen
